Life is filled with highs and lows. They are the emotional notes that fill our lives with so much meaning but they are also exhausting. As someone who has battled depression and won, I find that emotional lows drag at me more than I am comfortable with and I’m feeling that way tonight.
This week, we paid for the last of my tuition for my teaching credential program. That’s a big high. So, the final paperwork for my credential will be processed now. And, I’m doing some job hunting and asking some colleagues for letters of recommendation. Greg and I decided that I really do need to teach Summer School — financial necessity butts up against nice wished for fantasy. The highs are pretty much related to this stuff. I’m thrilled to be finished with this stage of my career change. While I’m smack-dab up against the reality that school is far from over for me. Once I get a full-time job next year, I have to start a two year Teacher Induction program that will be nearly as much extra work as my credential program. And, then there is more financial reality. Teachers with Masters Degrees make more money than Teachers without Masters. So, once I’m done with the two year Teacher Induction program, our plan is that I’ll get my Masters. I’ve picked out the program I want to do. It’s another online program which is the type of program that works really well for me. Still, I guess making that plan gives me a bit of a downer in the middle of my high.
The lows that hit me tonight were related to watching American Idol. Their “Idol Gives Back” show was wonderful but sad and despairing as well. I watched all those beautiful faces on the screen and wished our world were different. I donated a little bit — couldn’t quite match Ellen DeGeneres’ generous donation. Anyway, it just left me feeling blank and empty and sad. And, a bit angry too. I’m very angry about the situation in the Katrina-ravaged part of our country. It’s just crazy mean to me that we are letting that suffering continue. Bush should be impeached for that alone.
On a birdy note, the Winter birds have moved on. There are still a few Dark-eyed Juncos and Chickadees are still hanging around. I’m thrilled that the bird to the left is still here. I’m noticing that she (I choose to believe that it’s a she) acts very differently lately than during the winter. Chickadees are all about frenetic food gathering. This Chickadee is acting so different — she comes and hangs out on the feeder for long, waitful periods of time. It seems to me that she is acting like a mom who lingers at the grocery store just for the bliss of being alone, away from the kids. No matter how much I love my kids, breaks are important. I think she totally understands that.
Or maybe I’m just projecting.
3 Comments
April 26, 2007 at 2:40 am
Sometimes it’s hard to see so far down the road, and it can certainly seem as if it’s an uphill trudge, but you’ll do it! :c) Once it’s done, it’s done and no one can ever take it away from you Liza. What a sense of accomplishment!
April 26, 2007 at 3:57 am
Seems overwhelming when you are projecting so far. No wonder you are down in the dumps when you consider all of the work ahead. But it’s a challenge you are meeting one step at a time! Personally, I’m looking forward to hearing your classroom stories. You tell them so well!
Chickadee needed a break from the madness!
April 26, 2007 at 6:45 am
I think chickadee is waiting for the loud crowd to leave so she can travel in peace- kind of like how nice it is to get in the car ALONE!
One step at a time. Looking ahead can be daunting but try looking back too to remind yourself of how far you’ve come. Having dealt with depression too, I find myself particularly edgy when I have a down day. I don’t want to go back there, but I have to remind myself that everyone has down days.