A Bear Story

25 Sep

The Divine Miz S recently posted a Bear Tale. It was an amazing story about a grizzly attack. You should go read it and be amazed. As for me, well, I’m a copycatter. I figured I have to tell my own bear story.

Well, to be honest, I don’t have my OWN bear story. I have, in fact, seen bears but never up close and personal. However, my parents live in bear country and the biggest problem I have is choosing which amazing bear story to tell. I’d like to find one that doesn’t involve my step-father, Igor, standing nekked on their back deck at 3am yelling at the bear to put down the bird feeder and go away. Just for the record, most of them do end that way and the bears are not impressed with the display. They generally put up one big paw and say, “Just a minute, this nyger seed is really delish! Soon as I’m done, I’ll be on my way!”

My favorite bear story is about the time a bear hit my mother’s car. Twice. Seriously, she did not hit the bear, the bear hit her. She was driving her small station wagon slowly down an icy hill in the eastern Sierra Nevada mountains when wham! a bear came out of nowhere and hit her door. The bear bounced back, shook it’s head, and then ran at her car again and it it in the back of the car. It repeated the same move only this time it ran behind the car and off into the woods. I suspect my mother sat there on the road for a few minutes having hysterics. I know that I would have!

Another good one was about a bear that was visiting the local businesses in town. Having gotten lucky by breaking into the basement of a deli and scoring some coke syrup, she thought that anything in a bucket was gonna be GOOD! This was summertime and the locals hire an art teacher to run a summer camp for kids up there. It’s amazing and it’s been going on since I was a kid. This year, they were doing a play and had some paint to do the scenery. The director wasn’t thinking and left the 25 gallon bucket of white paint outside the back door to the community building. Well, a tight fitting lid means nothing to a bear and this one got it open in short order. Evidently, she wasn’t happy about the lack of coke syrup and didn’t find paint to be an adequate fix for her addiction. So, she tore the bucket up, sprayed paint everywhere — all over the building and the parking lot. A mess. I kept wondering if the locals were going to hear campers talking about the ghost bear that raided their trash over the next few nights. She must have been a sight.

By and large, the locals up there are really careful about bears. The trash cans are locked up in garages or in dumpsters that are chained shut. They take it seriously and there aren’t a lot of problems with the bears. So, we laugh at the problems that do come up. My parents are very careful about taking their bird feeders down every night so that the bears aren’t attracted to their house. Bears have great noses and good memories though. If they get home late one night, too tired to take the feeders down, you can be sure my step-father will be out there in his birthday suit yelling at the bear to get off his deck and leave the bird feeders alone.

You can also be sure the bears don’t care.

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6 Responses to “A Bear Story”

  1. Mary 26 September, 2007 at 4:17 am #

    I’m amazed how you can tell a story of potential danger and make me laugh about it! I’ve never been visited by a bear…thank goodness.

  2. robin andrea 26 September, 2007 at 9:02 am #

    Great bear stories, Liza. I have never had a close encounter with a bear, and am quite glad about that. Bears and mountain lions are two creatures I would be quite happy not to commune closely with. I’d rather see them from a far and safe distance. Thanks for posting the link to Miz S and her bear story. Wow!

  3. Susan Gets Native 26 September, 2007 at 7:23 pm #

    LOL! “Nekked”…you crack me up.

    But bears scare the Hell out of me. I am very glad the closest part of black bears’ range is all the way on the other side of Ohio.
    Eeep.

  4. Miz S 27 September, 2007 at 1:40 am #

    Great. Now I’m stuck with a mental picture of Igor (whom I don’t even know), buck naked, shaking his fist and yelling, “You bears git off my lawn!”

  5. jayne 27 September, 2007 at 2:42 am #

    Oh my… I never thought of bears eating seed, but I suppose peanuts and sunflower seeds are yummy to them too! Interesting tales Liza!

  6. lizalee 27 September, 2007 at 5:26 am #

    Don’t worry, Miz S, he doesn’t have a lawn! 🙂 He wants them off his deck! Thanks for the inspiration, though!

    Glad everyone enjoyed the stories!

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